Saturday, 2 November 2013

Less than 48 hours to surgery

Hello! Here is my final post before packing my bags and flying down to Rio....oh no, that's a completely different film, lol! I should say flying off to Germany tomorrow for my surgery on Monday! Wow! It's almost here. And to be honest, at this moment in time I don't feel stressed about it. No doubt as we walk into the clinic my nerves will be a-jangling and I will be a jibbering wreck.

It's funny, I've had the formal diagnosis for over 2 years now and as soon as I was given Professor Schmeller's name by Professor Mortimer I knew I was going to have this surgery, come hell or high water. I didn't care how I got the money together, it was going to happen. At that point in time, I hated my legs. I couldn't bear them to be looked at or touched. I wore maxi skirts or jeans, covering them up as much as possible. But over the last 2 years I've actually grown to love my legs, yes, I actually do love them. It's the evil fat I hate!!

My legs have carried me around for the last 45 years, up hill and down dale (not so much of that but you get the drift). They carried me when I was a shade under 23 stone and now I'm a svelte 13 stone. They may not be pretty but they run, they jump and they can dance and skip even though I have the evil fat clinging on for dear life.

Never more has this been brought home to me than this week I 'met' a lady on Facebook called Lilith Nix who has lipoedema. I am at one end of the spectrum, she is at the other end. I can do things, but prior to her very recent surgery, she couldn't walk. How awful is that. I feel terrible just saying that, but it must be so terrible to just have this disorder where everyone just thinks you're fat but actually you'd give everything to just be able to get about like regular people. This is how disabled people must feel daily.

I thought for the most part that lipoedema effected the sufferers mental health...the looks from people who just think you're fat, children pointing and saying 'what's wrong with your legs?' but I didn't reaaly think it could be disabling. For a little time this week I even felt guilty about having the surgery because my issues are minimal in comparrison with others. But I asked myself why should I not have the chance too to be normal. I play things down and say it's all about the boot fetish, but for me, I just want to be normal.

Oh, and one final thing about going to have surgery in another need to get a blood test to send to them. Who knew that could be so difficult!?

I rang the Dr's surgery and said that I needed a private blood test for a private surgery and could I come in and have it done. And of course, I fully expected to pay. They say, oh no, you have to go to a private hospital to get that done. You need to call and make an appointment with them. Ok, so I ring up my local Nuffield Hospital. ME:'Hello, I'd like to have a blood test for a private overseas operation I'm having', THEM: 'oh, you need to go to your Dr's get a referral from them' ME: 'Oh, well they've just told me to call you' THEM: 'Oh, well we can do it but they have to request it, even if it's just for you' ME: 'But I know exactly what bits I need to know. I can't get an appointment for a week' THEM: 'Oh no, but it has to be a referral from them, and then you can come here and then we'll release the details back to them because we can't give the results directly to you' ME: 'Even though I'm paying' THEM: 'Yes. We can send your results directly to your surgeon if he sends a referral to us' ME: 'He's way to busy for much is the test by the way' THEM:'£275' ME: '....(nothing said but thinking JESUS!)..ok...I'll ring you back when I get the referral'. I rang the Dr's and said...'ive just rang Nuffield because you told me to and they said I need a referral from you'. THEM: Oh yes, we know, but you still needed to ring them' AGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Yes, it is that difficult! In the end my Dr said he'd do it for free because I'm never there!

So I will post back here when I can. I will take lots of photos, good or bad and try to be as honest as I can.

Wish me well and have all your Gods smiling and shining on me for all the good luck

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